I miss you. This depresses me.


Also, I ran out of Tamiya Grey Primer before I could finish my model kit. This depresses me, also.






Being depressed is depressing. Heh.

...I'm voting for John McCain today.

There's a lot of reasons. I think they're good ones, and I encourage you to read on to understand my thought processes here, before demonizing me, you bleeding-heart liberal faggots.

First of all, I feel Obama's plans for getting out of Iraq are silly and unrealistic. I'm all for an additional surge of troops, because it should finally calm things down if we just kill every living thing in the country. Can't plant IEDs if you're dead!

As well, I think he's a well-spoken man, and he doesn't just rely on his having been a POW to make his talking points. It's a refreshing change from Obama's constant mentioning of his ethnicity. I mean, hello! We know you're black, buddy; it's plain as the nose on your face.

I'm confident in Sarah Palin's ability to successfully lead America should McCain fall ill or die. She's just so down-to-earth, you know? She really speaks to people like me who live in the REAL America. (I have to say, Joe Biden's professed "poverty" is enraging. He's a senator, for G-d's sake! And a Democrat, on top of it. He is clearly hiding his vast wealth, no doubt in banks OUTSIDE of America.)

And most importantly, I know that if John McCain is elected President of the United States of America, he will finally put to rest this silly "gay" fad. He'll strengthen our traditional family values, I have no doubt, with a quiet humility.

Vote for REAL change. Vote John McCain, my fellow Americans.

This message has been paid for by Friends of John McCain.

Today, I went to the local Kawasaki dealership. Looked at the bike I want. It's preeeeeetty.

It costs a lot. Apparently, they do financing and package deals at this place, so I can actually get the cost of the helmet included in the bike or something. That, to me, is fucking sweet. It's $500+ less I have to spend, and that kicks ass.

It's a lot of money, not to mention the time and additional money I have to spend getting certified as a motorcyclist. It's an investment I'm not sure I'm up for right now. I have to pay for a lot of things before I should really do this, but a vehicle is also handy to have.

I dunno. Some of you folks out there, assuming you give remotely a shit about my goings-on, maybe have some thoughts on this?

Should I get the bike, in the spring? Or should I not get the bike and suffer from the inconveniences I deal with now?

My plans to move the fuck out of this place have been dashed by a roommate deciding to leave first. Guess I have to find someone to replace her before I can leave myself.

This is fucking stupid.

I am 6'4". 23 years old. I weigh 276lbs.

I'm not a fatass by any means, but when I moved back to Ottawa two years ago, I weighed 189lbs.

But I don't want to be that skinny, either. I want to hit about 230lbs, be able to run 2.5K in about 10 minutes, and press my own body weight.

I've already changed my diet, cutting out as much extraneous fat as I can, trying to increase my protein intake, as well. It doesn't seem to be helping much. I lost a bit of weight, but it stabilized a while ago.

I know I need to exercise, but I hardly have the time. It takes me hours to get to and from work everyday. I work random shifts, making it impossible to settle into a routine like all fitness books tell me I should do.

In short, I'm fucked. If only I lived closer to my job, then I could just WALK there everyday and get my exercise that way.

le Sigh.

Awesome things are coming, my friends. Tomorrow, I get a new computer. Tuesday, I get an awesome new novel from my favorite author of all time, Matthew Woodring Stover. (GO READ CAINE BLACK KNIFE.) Conveniently, without asking for it, I get this coming Tuesday and Wednesday off from work, so I will be reading as much of that book as humanxly possible, assuming it shows up on time, CHAPTERS/CANADA POST. Grr!

Also awesome; in December, we're showing Caligula on PenthouseTV. Yes, the infamous Malcolm McDowell film. Turns out, it was produced by the guy who founded Penthouse Magazine, so we've got the rights to it. Watch for it! (Assuming you live in Calgary or Vancouver, anyway. The channel isn't even available where I live, which is hilarious and sad.)

Another awesome thing. A minikeg of Heineken. It hasn't run out yet, and I've had it and been drinking from it every night for a week now. So awesome, this is.

Something else awesome? Well, I might be getting a visit sometime next year, and that will be the most awesome of all.

Something unawesome, however; I seem unable to buy a series of novels in the same edition, so they're all random sizes, incompatible cover art, etc. I guess when Erikson finishes the Malazan Book of the Fallen (should take him just a year or two to crank out those last three 1000-page novels at his pace) I'll just rebuy the whole set to replace my worn-out copies. (I'll share something with you, LiveJournal friends; I got the first book of the New Jedi Order in the hardcover edition years ago, and collected the rest of the series in softcover. But when I realized the series was coming to an end, I made damn sure I got The Unifying Force in hardcover, to appropriately bookend my collection. It looks nice, if tattered; I've read some of those books far too many times. I'm looking at YOU, Traitor and Star by Star.)

Anyway. THAT'S MY RANT.

I'm going to go drink more beer now.

The Wiz is bizarre.

LA Ink is nowhere near as good as Miami Ink, yet I can't stop watching. IT IS LIKE A TRAIN WRECK.

Sarah Palin is a bad man.

$3k/yr raises out of the blue are awesome.

Heath Ledger does not deserve an Oscar for his performance as Joker. HE DESERVES TWO. (No, seriously; he should have gotten something for Brokeback Mountain, regardless of how distant from himself the Joker was.)

I can't wait for Caine Black Knife. The next week is just too fucking long, damn it.

Lee Stone's cock is weirdly bent. We have a USB key kicking around at work that got bashed, and the plug is also weirdly bent now. As a result, we call that key the Lee Stone Edition.

Lord, that movie was bad.

Ughhhhhhh. Why did you agree to be in this movie, Harrison? Was it is the money? Did George promise to have ILM make Calista Flockhart look not-like a survivor of Auschwitz? I don't get why you would be in this horrible movie.

Fukken awesome, amirite?

Anyway, to whomever sees this in their friends page and thinks "...who? Oh, right, him. Huh. I thought he died." I say "Hi. I work in porn now. Ha ha ha." This is what a college education got me. Pornography. Expect to see my name in legitimate work within four years, though.

In the continuing saga of stuff being stupid, my new job has yet to pay me for the three weeks of work I've done for them. Which means I can't go in today, so they just fucked themselves.

Yay!

And I can't go to school, either, so I'm fucked for now as well.

Shit!

(My reasoning for not going to either is that without money, I cannot buy new buspass. Hence, no joy.)

When I sign up to your internet radio service to listen to Judas Priest, perhaps you could play their songs? Yes, I know, you keep playing Victim of Changes for me, and I appreciate the effort, but I don't like that song that much. Why not play, I dunno, Freewheel Burning? Riding on the Wind? The Ripper? One Shot at Glory? Diamonds and Rust? The Green Manalishi?

Yes, Poison is a nice band. Very pretty, them. I do enjoy some of their music too, but I want power metal, not hair metal. Stop playing Poison so much. And never play Guns 'N' Roses, please. Give me Priest. Give me HammerFall. Dio. Please. I'll take some Kiss, even. (Oh, and stop with the extreme gutteral vocals, you. I have a station just for that kind of hard-ass metal.)

Maybe I'll go listen to my dance station just to spite you, Pandora.

I'm just gonna bitch here for half a second. Not about my life, but about a specific event that just occured at the top of the hour this morning.

The phone rings. It's Tegan, who wants to say good bye before she heads off to New York for new years'. My mom picks up the phone. Later, she mentions Tegan has a very girly voice, which surprised her because Tegan's a heavier girl.

Because, as we all know, overweight people all sound like Jabba the Hutt.

So, after she makes an actually offensive comment, I make a joke about how some really fat people parley their echo-chamberish bulk into a lucrative career as a professional singer. (I'm looking at you, Luciano Pavarotti.) She then proceeded to get upset and accuse me of making fun of Tegan's weight and putting her down to her face and just generally being an asshole to her.

Thusly, I'm looking forward to not being here anymore. My mother seems convinced I'm an asshole who means harm to everyone. I guess I remind her of my father a lot now, since she's convinced he's an meanspirited asshole who's out to get her, too.

Anyway.

(Also, my cordless phone kills my laptop's wireless link. It's weird.)

Now I'm back in the apartment, and have been for the past few days.

A good quarter of the building is uninhabitable due to reconstruction. Water damage is a bitch. There's maybe a third of the ceiling missing in this apartment due to water damage. It kinda sucks.

Oh well. The building is still here, and I still have a home, so it's not all bad.

So, this morning, the fire alarm goes off. I smell smoke. Mother and I leave the apartment, and see giant roaring flames pouring out of the opposite side of the building from our apartment. Eventually, the fire department got it put out, but must now inspect the building because, apparently, the fire may have affected the structural integrity of the girders.

So I am currently homeless for however long it takes for them to say "It's ok to go back in!" That is, if they say that. They might very well condemn the building if it's bad enough.

Currently still in my apartment: two fluffy cats. Food. My expensive stuff I bought for school and lack the funds to buy again should I have to do so.

I may end up crashing at the girlfriends' place for now. Which, as much as I like being there, could suck. The circumstances, y'know? Plus, all my clothes are in the apartment.

Oh, and I start my new job today, too. Won't they be impressed at my excuse for not showing up in uniform, bathed, and well-rested.

Yeterday was so good, today is shaping up to be total ass.

I've determined that my cat, Scotty, sits in the bathroom and meows incessantly because... he is listening to his own echo.

We used to think he was just stupid and got frequently lost in the bathroom. Now, it seems he is brilliant, yet easily entertained.

What can I say? Self-righteous prick makes grandiose comment. I make fun of him for it, and unwittingly antagonize him. In response, he overreacts, and I begin the cycle of trolling with glee.

This should prove humorous, since he's in the same program as me.

Also, in news not of the I'm-a-jerk-to-people-who-deserve-it catagory, I spent a wonderful weekend chillaxing with my girlfriend. I look forward to many more weekends to come. Ah, happiness.

A few minor points!

1. Being extremely poor again is awesome. I'm losing all that weight that made me have low body confidence. No, I'm serious. Being too poor to feed myself more than ramen noodles is awesome.

Really. It's awesome.

Shut up.

2. By the time I can afford to have all my stuff sent to me from out west, I'll probably be done school and be moving back west for work. And on this note of "my stuff"... my friend Jeff, who is holding onto all my stuff for me, cannot afford to send me another box of my stuff, because oh shit, he's so in debt, he needs all the money he's got. Yet, he could buy himself a brand-new Wii on Sunday.

I dunno. I've been in monster debt before (still am!), and I didn't go buy myself a fucking new game console. I quite sat there and tried to pay my goddamn debts off before being selfish like that.

But that's just me, I guess.

3. Sometimes, I regret moving back out here. Life was dull out west, but at least I was making money and able to feed myself. At least I had my cat. I had friends who I saw regularly and hung out with. I had new clothes. I had my books, my games, all the stuff I needed to take my mind off the fact that, ultimately, I wasn't happy there, either. But at least I could do that. Here, I have no actual bedroom, no dvds to watch, no games to play, no books to read, and no Jakey-cat.

I know I'm like, investing in my future by doing the school thing, but right now, I just want to be able to go out to the bar on a Friday night, have a few beer, and grab a burger on my way home from school. That's not a lot to ask, y'know? I hate being the impoverished kid everywhere I go. It's frustrating and people seem to flaunt their wealth without knowing it, which drives me bonkers.

It sounds stupid, but when people go "Oh man, I'm hungry. I haven't eaten since this morning." and think that's hunger, it makes me mad. Hunger is when you're so hungry, you stop noticing it. Hunger is when you're watching someone not finish everything they're eating, and it makes you want to go over and smack them and scream "Why aren't you eating that? That's good food! Eat it!"

I wish I could find work. Even if it pushes my time to the limit between school and work, I don't care. I'm so sick of being poor, hungry, and of wearing the same pair of pants and seven shirts every week. I, at this moment, require a new bus pass for December and a winter coat. That's over a hundred dollars. The amount of money I currently have? $0. I'll also need to pay my phone bill at some point, lest it be disconnected again.

Ah, Christ. It hurts.

So, we got to pick the program proposal we wanted to do today. Mine wasn't even mentioned, which was frustrating and kinda depressing.

It doesn't bug me now, but... producing is what I want to do with my life. Not even having mine get put up for consideration was disenheartening.

Oh well. Gives me time to improve the proposal for next semester!